Duck & Cover Your Tracks


Recently, a blog post of mine on hunting received a bit of attention and ire from duck hunters. As ducking hunting was only a small aspect of the piece, I thought I'd better clarify my position before I'm berated by any more Elmer Fudds. Strictly speaking I'm not fully against duck hunting. I'm for the sport so long as it's in a controlled environment like a cage match, man vs duck style.

I've been to some thoroughly entertaining man vs duck fencing matches too. Ducks with epees is not only fairer, but also considerably funnier.

Basically, so long as it's a fair fight I'm fine with it, provided that if the duck wins and kills the human, the carcass isn't wasted and is eaten by the duck.

A scenario similar to the film Highlander has been proposed, where there is a never ending duck season and humans and ducks battle it out to be the last creature standing. I have a few problems with this proposal, but am open to correction. Firstly, very few ducks have seen Highlander. Secondly, while ducks can comfortably handle epees, they find it difficult to wield broadswords. So, to my thinking, it feels like the contest would be skewed in favour of humans. But there could be equal disadvantages for humankind I'm not aware of. Ducks, for instance, find it easier to imitate Scottish accents.

As for deer hunting... I must admit this does make me a little uncomfortable. However, I acknowledge that change doesn't happen overnight and I would support a move to tie branches to the heads of wild horses to transition hunters away from deer.

Read the original The Hunter Becomes The F*ckwit post here