Minor Parties, Minor Detail

ballot feature

Prop comic Antony Green demonstrates ballot paper The Australian Senate, now known as the One Issue Party House, will soon have a significantly different make-up. Thanks to preference deals and the Senate ballot paper being longer than the iron bar in the centre of the Earth, many minor parties are set to take Upper House seats.

One such party is the Australian No Change Ever Party, who polled %0 primary vote, but due to preferences is likely to have a voice in the Senate.

"Basically, we're about things just slowing down. Things have gone too far, all things that is," explains Party Leader Glen Hensley from his cream brick suburban home.

"You've this and that whizzing here and there and people doing all sorts of whatnots. As a country we have to take stock and say, 'enough is enough.'"

While Glen generally longs for a time when you could "go to places, without... ya know?" and when people didn't "talk different," his policy platform is more specific.

"Not only would I rip up the NBN, but I'd pull up the existing copper network. These days you've got phone calls coming in from every which way. As a society, you can't have it all. I've got a family, ya know? There's not one practical application for any sort of technology."

On the issue of marriage equality, Glen admits he is more progressive than some in the Party, but is steadfast in his opposition to any movement in that direction.

"Marriage is done in a church. That's it, plain and simple. I don't recognise any union that isn't in a church. When I was younger, everyone was married in a church. These days you've got all these bloody yahoos being wed in registries by Elvis. I mean, it's bloody insane."

Despite polling no primary votes and his party receiving no donations, even from the tobacco industry, Glen believes should he has every right to take a seat in the Upper House.

"That's the way the system was designed, wasn't it? A hundred years ago they made the rules. It worked perfectly fine back then and it's workin' perfectly fine now."

Glen may very well find himself casting a deciding vote on signature legislation such as paid parental leave.

"Look, I'm for whatever it is we're talking about. But we can't be leaping into these sorts of things. It's time to just settle down, be reasonable and not do what ever you just brought up. Sorry, I forgot what you asked. Something about tobacco?"